Kiss today goodbye

Tony and Michelle's Residence

Los Angeles, CA

March 4, 2012

One final command and Michelle pulls back from the computer and breathes a sigh of relief. The back door to CTU's network still works. Her computer is successfully connected to the CTU subnet. If anything Chris, Chloe, and Tony do gets to the wrong people, she'll know. And be able to warn them. She's not worried about getting caught - out of all of them, her role is the safest. It isn't her choice - she wants to be infiltrating with Tony and Chris - but someone has to stay behind and monitor CTU.

Chris. She remembers when Chris came to visit and Michelle, usually not a very physically affectionate person, hugged her tightly and tried to think of something helpful to say. She'd only been able to whisper, "We'll get him back."

But looking at the computerized plans and the maps of the location, she wonders if that's a lie. Even if they find him, the Chinese are gifted interrogators. If they've had him this long - Jack could be alive, but if they pushed him past the breaking point, he might be too far gone to save. She closes her eyes and tries to push the thought away, but it remains. No one else will entertain their worst fears coming true - but Michelle's seen worst case scenarios play out in front of her eyes. She's seen the infected bleeding and screaming, sobbing children holding onto their parents, the bloody nose that meant the end was near, and been one of the few to survive. Tony had hope, but she'd been prepared to die.

She climbs upstairs to their bedroom, pausing at the door and nudging it open. Tony closes his cell and takes a breath. His back is to her.

"What did Palmer say?"

He picks up an item and puts it in the suitcase. "His thoughts and prayers will be with us. I'd feel a lot better about this mission if some of Jack's old Delta buddies were accompanying us."

"Except they all think he's dead." She leans against the door frame and watches him.

"Yeah," he sighs, "Chris'll get reinforcements from Milliways. Magic beats Delta Force. Jack's captors won't know what hit 'em." He throws a shirt into the suitcase with a little more effort than necessary.

He sounds so confident. So sure that everything will work out. She's envious of his strength for a moment.

She walks up behind him and places her hand on his shoulder. "Tony, what if he's - they might have had no reason to keep him alive."

His back tenses and he breathes sharply. He turns to face her, his hand capturing her cheek. "Baby, if anyone could survive -- "

"It's Jack. I know. But what if you get there and - " she forces herself to stop talking. "Someone had to say it," she looks up at the man she loves more than anyone in the world.

He leans down and kisses her, she wraps her arms around him and grabs onto his shirt. He pulls back, breathing a little heavier and lifts her chin slightly to look her in the eyes.

"I've had the same doubts, Michelle. But if he's alive and we do nothing..." He wants her to assuage his fears and she can't.

"This wasn't supposed to happen! Our job was to make sure this wouldn't happen. How could we have - " She leans against his chest and breathes slowly, trying to wait out the tears.

"Sweetheart, you can't blame yourself. It happened, now we have to deal with it."

Michelle nods and Tony, considering the conversation finished, steps back and continues packing.

I want to go with you. I'm terrified of letting you go alone. Losing you is the one fear I won't face.

"There's something else, Tony. Even if he is alive...you know what they do to their own people, let alone foreign government agents."

His gaze is troubled. "Yeah, I do."

She nods and takes a breath, pushing forward. "And if they broke him, if they made him talk, he wouldn't want to live."

"Michelle - "

"Tony, I know it's- "

He shakes his head. "This is Jack we're talking about, Michelle. And he's more than just a nameless agent. He's our friend."

"You think I don't know that?" She whispers. Tony doesn't need to spell out how much he means to both of them. "No one else will let him go. As his friend...if there's nothing left to save..." But she's horrified by her own thoughts. And she knows she couldn't pull the trigger.

Tony wraps his arms around her again, but this time she can feel the tension in his muscles. "It's alright. I know you're worried. But we're going to get him out."

We should have kept this from happening and he's spent years of his life away from his family and if this was all inevitable anyway why did we bother lying and how could this have happened and why did we wait so long and how much are they hurting him and why do you have to go and I'm so afraid to let you go so far away and I'm worried for you, for him, for Chris - oh God, Chris, I know what it's like to have someone you love be missing...

Instead of talking, she presses her lips against his, her hands touching his face and she wants to feel every inch of him. She has to hold him one last time before he leaves.

"Now?" He sounds slightly amused, but his arm reaches back to clear the bed, pushing things aside so that he can pull them both down.

As his fingers slide under her shirt and she slips her hands into his sweat pants, she tries to stop thinking and just react.

"Now," she breathes against his neck.

-------------

Afterward and later, they're lying in bed together, their breathing returning to normal. She presses her lips against his jaw and rests her head near his shoulder. Absently, he twirls a curl around his finger.

"I'd feel better if you were at my side."

"Someone has to stay behind and monitor CTU and make sure you get out of the country with no problems. We also have some clients, remember? And hopefully...when this is all over, we'll have our friend back in more ways than one." She's practiced this answer.

He looks over at her, "Yeah. It's just gonna be....I'll miss you."

"I'll see you soon," she promises, leaning up to kiss him.

He holds her for a few moments. "You comin' down to say goodbye?"

"I think that'll make this harder." Her voice is softer and slower than usual.

Tony nods, gazing at her, stroking his hand down her cheek. "I get that." He raises her hand to his mouth, gently kissing the back before squeezing it and moving it off his chest. "I can't miss the plane."

"I put all of the information by the door. Palmer must have called in some favors to get those visas."

"They can't trace back to him - right?"

"I used to do this for a living, remember?"

"How could I forget?" He kisses her forehead and slides out of bed.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?" He's putting back on his clothes.

"Be careful."

He laughs slightly and slips his concealed weapons permit into his pocket.

"If I don't hear from you in a week, I'm following you."

"Sweetheart, if you don't hear from me for a few days...it's already too late."

She closes her mouth and tries not to let her tears fall.

"I refuse to accept that, Tony." She sits up, tilting her head back to look at him.

He sits on the edge of the bed and holds her hand. "Baby, if we get separated...I'll be waiting for you at the bar. But it's not going to happen."

She nods, swallowing and smiling at herself. "You'll be home soon."

"I'll be home soon."